Damned Scary Mountainy Drives

Now Mon, despite all her fine talents,
Is not quite the bravest of wives.
She feels like she’s losing her balance
On these damned scary mountainy drives.

It seems like they’re somewhat magnetic,
These routes where the hairpin bend thrives.
But Mon finds them all too frenetic,
These damned scary mountainy drives.

She clutches her seat in a panic,
It’s a wonder her reason survives!
Every bend in the road is satanic
On these damned scary mountainy drives.

It’s no use to quote the statistic
That the mountains claim very few lives.
In fact, it just makes her ballistic
On these damned scary mountainy drives.

From bottom to summit she’s fretting,
And breaks out in rashes and hives.
The veins on her forehead keep sweating
On these damned scary mountainy drives.

She says that they’re not to her liking –
Those slow-motion aerial dives.
She says she does not find them striking,
These damned scary mountainy drives.

Yes, logic’s summarily banished,
No matter how strongly she strives.
All sense of propriety’s vanished
On these damned scary mountainy drives.

Perhaps she just feels she’s not ready
For when her last moment arrives,
Or maybe she just feels unsteady
On these damned scary mountainy drives.

But as soon as the car ceases moving,
Placidity once more revives.
Her temper then stops disimproving
On these damned scary mountainy drives.

Yes, when we arrive at the summit,
She’s full of Yahoos! and high fives,
No longer afraid that she’ll plummet
On these damned scary mountainy drives.